Friday, January 1, 2010

Happy New Year!

Wow, good bye 2009! What was the year like? I bought a house for me and my two sons. We added a new member of our family, WallE the wonder dog. I traveled a lot for business and can honestly say that I spent some quality time with friends, new and old. The boys graduated from one grade and moved to the next. We all had holidays and birthday. I have a new nephew to cuddle. I guess a total recap isn't needed since I can just go back and read about the last year post by post. I tried to enjoy the little things more this last year. Margarita's with D, gym with J, hanging out (as always) with A & N. Developed new friendships that I think with go the distance. Remembered what I like to do with my time. Struggled to remember why I decided to be single until the boys are raised. Recommitted to that being the very best idea I have had. Struggled to do it alone. It's hard sometimes and overwhelming and I really don't feel like I have a right to whine or beg for help. I am a suck it up and move on kind of girl. That's the only way I know. I'm thankful that God has allowed me to be able to do it alone. I don't know what the alternative is? I was employed for the entire year!

We sent 2009 out with a bang (on pots and pans to be specific). We had a party of five at my house last night. We had the best food and drinks and company. We ate and drank and danced on the table. We sent FB messages to people standing in the room. We LAUGHED! We shared. Then we ate and drank some more. At midnight we watched the ball drop and then we screamed, yelled, howled at the blue moon. It was awesome! We called the kids at their around-the-corner sleepover at Nana and Papa's house.

Resolutions? None of us spoke of any. I don't think most, or all of us, even had any. I'd like to be a better person. I'd like to be a better friend and parent. I'd love to say I want to figure it all out but that so isn't going to happen or maybe that I could have complete control over my emotions ALL THE TIME! I wish I could control the actions of others, but instead I need to learn to better control my reaction. I can't make you have a conscious, do the right thing, care about the right thing, care period. Why do people feel like their actions are just selfish? Don't you know your actions impact everyone around you? Why does it have to be all about you? BE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOURSELF AND YOUR IMPACT!

This morning we welcomed the new year by laying on the couch and chatting before we bundled up and went out to get our babies. What would a day of hope and promise be without some drama from PDT? I jokingly said that my resolution was to be the bitch he deserved me to be for the last five years. I accommodate his ever changing scheduled, his unwillingness to pay, his unacceptable behavior. I do this for my children; to make sure they have a relationship with their dad. Well, fuck you buddy! It's time for you to work on that same relationship! He owes me money! He asked me to "cover" the kids tomorrow so he could work. So today he loses his mind on the phone and decides it is totally ok to yell at me, tell me over and over that I am wrong. I took the phone away from my ear and yelled right back! He was to get the boys this morning at 9 - I knew that wasn't going to happen so I didn't rush over to bring them home. Jerkface calls me around 11 to tell me that I drove right past him and shook my head at him and what the fuck was my problem. First, your ass was LATE. Second, I did not see your ever changing car nor did I shake my head at you. I was tired, hungover and having a conversation with the two other people in the car. And why are we having this conversation and hour after I left my house? If I drove right past you why didn't you honk? Or call right away? Or follow me AROUND THE CORNER! So I end up looking like a crazy lady right in the middle of A's parents kitchen screaming into my phone. SO, I just hang up. I wait 20 minutes and let E call him to schedule the pick up. Guess what? No return call, no pick up. HE HAS NOT SEEN THEM! It's time to be a grown up sparky!

I still have high hopes for 2010! I am going to continue to spend my time with people I love and not so much with those I don't. I will be accountable for me and my actions. I will read more, I will try and be more consistent with the gym. I will keep trying to rid myself of the divorce debt. I will enjoy my home, my dog, my kids, my Starbucks, wine, chocolate, Diet Pepsi, concerts, books, blogs, margaritas. I will continue to try and love all aspects of my life and uncover the reasons why it is mine and what the good plan just might be.

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