Defeated

That is the best word to describe my day. I was defeated by 8:20 this morning, no doubt about it. I am the so called "manager" of my department and apparently I'm not very good at it. No, I am not fired...yet. So how does one convince someone else to care about their job, care about the jobs of those around them? Explain to them how to "get it"? I have no idea...yep, more defeat! I care about my job, how well I do, how I present myself, how my company looks to others. I don't know any other way to be so I can't relate to those who don't. My department is the money maker for our company. No, we are not the most important but if we don't do our job it directly impacts the rest of the entire organization. If we don't meet our goals we don't need as many people in our department or the other support departments. I really felt the weight of the world on my shoulders today. (I know...so over dramatic but it is what it is.) I had to be the heavy, I had to paint the picture and I don't think I did a very good job. I am now at a total loss. What to do next? I feel like I am letting a lot of people down. D, D2 and G mostly...blah!

On top of the worst day ever? I got nothing but meetings accomplished today (5 in one day) and all next week will be spent in an audit...AGAIN! So here I am preaching "productivity instead of busy work" and I became the biggest offender. That really helped me feel better about the overall situation. Yeah, me!

I did get to have lunch with DC today...WOOHOO! I miss her and can't wait for baby L to be born. She is a great friend to talk with. I got so used to seeing her three times a week it seemed like forever since we got together.

Once the kiddo's get settled in for the night I am taking this pity party to the bathtub with my IPOD and a lovely glass of wine. If I am going to wallow in my self imposed drama I am going to make it as enjoyable as possible. Now, if I come up with a solution or two all the better. Oh yeah, that is totally going to happen. I am actually really glad tomorrow is gym day...I always feel better about anything after I burn some of it out at the gym. GRRR!