What if?

What if what? I have no idea actually. I just wonder sometimes...I know this is a big waste of otherwise valuable time I could be spending curing world hunger (or more likely cleaning my house) but still I wonder?

I feel overwhelmed sometimes and I know it is my choice but that doesn't really help, if anything it just makes it worse. I just want to control the way I feel ALL OF THE TIME! Why is that not possible? What if I could? Could I just pretend that I am in total control - then would it magically work? No such luck! I don't want to feel overwhelmed. I need to be able to handle my life and all that it entails. I absolutely love being a homeowner but part of it is scary. I like my job and several people I work with. I get to solve problems for others and try and find a creative way to help. I am not a creative person so doing so in an analytical way is nice. My job allowed me to help a friend (at least for now and hopefully on a more permanent basis). My most favorite part of my life is being a mom to the two best kids in the whole world! Those two boys are amazing, crazy, loud little monsters but they are my monsters. I also like being a friend. I have some new and some old and I enjoy our time together - sharing our hard times and the good, shopping, having a drink, a concert or movie or just hanging out with our kiddos! One lives far away in Vegas so we mostly text and email but she is still an awesome friend. Two live right around the corner and I see them lots and a few others don't live but a couple of minutes. How lucky am I to say that I have these great friends. I often wonder if I am a good friend in return? Should I/Could I do a better job? I am sure that I could and should.

I wish I could control or at least understand why others do certain things...again, no luck. Maybe if I had a Wonder Woman truth lasso life would be easier to figure out? Or maybe it would just be a whole lot more brutal! I still think I would rather know. I am a big fan of the truth.

Hmmm...well, if that wasn't just full of ramble then I don't know what is. Maybe I should have stuck to watching Dora with N. Maybe I'll go out and chat with the frog family for a bit and see how they are doing? Actually, Clean House has found the messiest house in America - I must watch! Thankfully it isn't my house. :)