WOW!

I am not cut out to parent 5 kids! I was a temporary parent to a 2 year old, two 7 year olds, a 10 year old and a 15 year old. I did this for four days and three nights, weekends and workdays, preschool drop offs, diapers, teenage issues, fighting boys, work, dishes, meals, bath time, playtime. I am exhausted! Luckily I love the extra kids as much as I do my own so that was easy. We swam, played, returned a lost dog, had ice cream and swam some more.

I had forgotten what it was like to have a toddler, someone who had to be physically watched all the time. A beautiful girl who could snore like a 40 year old man, slept like a tornado and drove WallE CRAZY!

They went home last night around 9:30ish and I came inside and got right into bed. The boys were even exhausted. Going to work seemed like a break. I would do it all over again if they asked.

It is now 7:30. I went to work, came home and had dinner with the boys and then we ran some errands and now I am in bed watching a movie and eating chocolate pie. I won't even pretend like I care about the mountain of dishes and laundry in my house. I plan to be a veg the rest of the night. Even the boys still seem tired.

I am grateful for friends willing to leave me in charge of their babies and grateful they came home and said babies were in one piece. For a very limited time I will feel like being a single parent of two boys is a breeze! :)

My house is a disaster. I hate my job. My yard makes it looks like my house might be abandoned. My parents are hitting the road permanently. My bank account is as skinny as I wish I was. I hate cancer.

I am healthy. My kids are healthy. My friends are fucking awesome - the old ones and the new ones. My parents are going to have an amazing time. I have wine. I have chocolate. It.Is.SUMMERTIME!

Its all good!

Hmmmm....

Maybe I'll do this again! :)

Disaster!

Today was a disaster of epic proportions! Everything that could have gone wrong at work went! People cried and I spent most of my day with the door closed getting NOTHING done. Odds are it will continue tomorrow.

I sit here, hours later, emailing with my boss, drinking wine, listening to my ipod and randomly petting the dog. I wanted to come home and wallow in the misery that was my day but that generally isn't on my single mom agenda. Thursday nights we pick up my friends son because she works late. I made them all dinner, cleaned up the mess and then sat down to do the work I didn't get done earlier in the day. I was glad the kids had some one to play with since I wasn't. They ended up having fun (as usual!) and I pounded out email after email while silently singing to my favorite play list.

I am MOST certain the wine helped me try to let it all go but, I really think the music helped more. It is such a release for me. If we didn't have company the kids would have been subjected to singing far worse that what we see on American Idol! I AM TERRIBLE! Ear bleeding bad and I don't care.

It was nice to blast the radio at defining levels all the way to the kids school and then listen to them talk about their day.

I wish I had high hopes for tomorrow. My only saving grace is FRIDAY, more music, more kids, friends and of course, more wine!

Happy New Year...

UGH, I am sick! I haven't been sick in such a long time. Made it all the way through the holiday season so I guess I shouldn't complain. So far the kids are ok so that makes it even better. It makes me appreciate the comfort of my bed. Soft and fluffy like a cloud, warm and snuggly like a hug....wow, I am having a relationship with my bed...AWESOME!

Tomorrow is F-R-I-D-A-Y and I have the day off on Monday so I am hoping for some recovery time, some house cleaning, some tv watching and whatever else strikes our fancy!

Happy almost weekend. I hope this New Year start is simply rocky so the rest of they year can kick ass!

Things I Did on My Christmas Vacation....

1. Spent EVERY single day with my boys!
2. Loved the Christmas Eve service at church...very kid centric and ran into friends from high school that I love!
3. Got the surprise of a lifetime! I friend bought me an amazing gift, a totally unexpected gift, a gift that came with the most thoughtful note, one that I have salivated over for months. I am the proud owner (and frequent user) of a NookColor.
4. Went to the movies with the boys on a random Monday afternoon. :)
5. Went to the San Jose Mission so E could see first hand the mission he was writing about.
6. Had many a kid sleepovers.
7. Watched terrible TV...lots of it!
8. Had a kick ass NYE party with a more kids.
9. Stayed up late and slept in (kind of...these kids don't sleep).
10. Played a million games of Monopoly, Sorry, Scrabble Flash....
11. Made no silly resolutions that I have no intention of keeping.
12. Made one resolution I do intend to keep - Dead Beat Dad look out! I am coming for you this year. These boys deserve better than what you don't bother to give them.

Funky...

I wish I knew what my problem was...I am UGH! My birthday sucked...seriously. It was a Monday, I had to work late, I had no plans, kids still needed to be taken care of...and so on. D and M took me to lunch so that was a shining spot. Got lots of FB birthday wishes. Gift cards as gift. Ever wonder if everyone gives you gift cards because they know you love to shop or because they don't really know you?

The kids are good, fighting and whining about school (mostly N!) and throwing fits about anything. The house is a mess and money is crazy tight because assface still doesn't feel compelled to do anything. Work sucks and I haven't gone to they gym in forever.

All I want to to is cry...constantly. I am really trying not to. I stay busy at home and work. I get excited for others good news and I try very hard to count my blessings and I know they are many. It just isn't working. I keep trying to instill that positive attitude but it is eluding me...big time!

Damn, that was so whiny and it makes me glad know one else reads this ridiculousness..it is so stupid..wish I didn't really feel this way.....

Boys Weekend

This weekend was all about the boys! Friday night we just hung out at home....we had a big day planned on Saturday.


Saturday morning the boys got to go out to Sac State and participate in a baseball clinic featuring the Sac State coaching staff, team and several professional players. It was AWESOME! They had the best time. The clinic was free...my favorite part! :) If the boys were older it would have been a little more exciting. They had scouts from six major league teams in attendance...could you imagine!?! N felt the need to tell them that he was really only six...you know, since you had to be eight to participate in the clinic. The lady just laughed and let him play anyways. He was super nervous before it started and wasn't sure he wanted to play and I think he ended up having the best time. The players really tried to impress on the kids the importance of school and playing outside rather than video games and txt'ing. Overall - a great experience for all of us.


After the clinic we went home and relaxed a little, changed and ate dinner before we headed over to ARCO to watch the MegaTriples ASA BMX show. I got a email earlier in the week for $10 tix. This happened last year with the circus. The seats ended up being really good but I also have a friend that works part time at the arena and he ended up getting us moved to the front row floor. The kids got to high-five the riders. It was awesome! I did repeat often that they should not go home and try any of these tricks in the front yard. DO NOT DO IT! :) These kids (and men) were amazing. I paid more to park my car in the lot than I did to park my kids butt in a seat.

So basically they spent the morning touching pro baseball players and the evening touching pro-BMX riders...I wasn't sure I was going to get them to take a shower! :)

They had a great time at both and I loved watching them. We got some ice cream after the show and then home to play a little more Price Is Right.

Sunday we had pizza with my family and then went on a bike ride. Other than that it was pretty low key day. Not nearly enough cleaning or laundry happened at my house so that is a must this week.

Shut your mouth!

I have a serious problem with this. You would think based on the amount of input I provide that my life was perfect. So not the case so please tell me why I can't seem to keep my opinion to myself about anything lately. It is a fucking epidemic.

Coach and his kids, D enjoying her remodel, J & A and the meds that little A is going to be taking..anything and everything. I swear I need to tape my damn mouth closed. Thank GOD these people like me enough so far to continue to talk to me but if I don't shut up soon I am going to be giving my opinion to WallE about how to properly lick his backside...UGH!

I give in...I will still have way too much to say but I am going to try and only say it in my head for a little while. My perpetual need to get it done and "help" those I care about is kicking my ass (or more like kicking the ass of everyone else)...not fun!

NOTE TO SELF...SHUT THE FUCK UP GIRL!

Kids

Last night we went home and I made dinner and then we started homework. N had finished his and E only had reading left. He used to LOVE to read but hearing other kids his age talk about hating it he decided he did too so he didn't read at all this summer. He was pretty bummed at the beginning of school that he only tested slightly over the end of 4th grade reading level (he had been in 4th grade for 2 days at this point). I was pleased with his results but said maybe if he had read more during the summer he would have scored higher...just a thought.

So back to last night...we are sitting on my bed and I set the timer for 30 minutes. I was reading my book next to him and just as time was running out he asked what I would do when the 30 minutes was up and I said I planned on reading more..I LOVE my books. He decided the same and we read for over an hour. He really enjoyed it and said he remembers that he does love to read...let's hope he continues.

N on the other hand decided last night was a good time to be a bit crazy. "Mom, I want to adopt a baby penguin. He can live in our freezer and I will check on him ever 4 weeks." I have no idea. Later..."Maybe a shark too. He can stay in the bath tub until he gets big and then we can move to Grandpa's and he can stay in the pool." E points out that sharks bite and so we couldn't swim anymore. "Duh E, it would be a pet shark so he wouldn't bite anybody. I love Great White sharks." This kid was killing me! :)

After the entertainment of N, we went to play Price Is Right on the Wii. N won and promises to take me on his trip to Paris and I get the wine cooler but he is keeping his golf cart. Sounds like a fair deal...wonder when they deliver?

Weekend...

I really still can't believe the weekend is over ALREADY! UGH! GRRR!

Friday night after work I went home and hung out with the kiddos. We had pancakes for dinner and watched some stupid movie. Terribly exciting stuff!

Saturday the boys went to play golf with grandpa and my mom and I went to see Eat, Pray, Love. It was a good movie. I don't think I would have left Italy...ever! I wonder what it would be like to get to just move, leave, change your mind. Restart your whole life. Hmmm? Later I ran some errands and hung out at home mostly. Later that night we went to help Coach finish up a project at his family restaurant. It wasn't as quick as I thought. We got home late and crashed.

Sunday I made cinnamon rolls for breakfast, finished my book, watched another movie, laid around the house and eventually went back to help at the restaurant some more...a lot more! The boys really liked hanging out so they didn't mind...not to mention pizza for dinner.

Today I am tired, my house is a little messy and I didn't get my laundry finished. I wish it was Friday all over again. I want to lay on my couch some more...PLEASE! The weekend didn't feel nearly as boring as it reads...it was actually really nice. :)

Friday, Friday, Friday!

I am so glad the weekend is here! We had a pretty busy week around our house.

Monday night we spent some time with some out of towners we seriously miss. It was awesome. Tuesday I helped Coach do some manual labor...it sucked! Wednesday the boys and I went home after work/school and crashed in our jammies, ate chinese food and watched cartoons. Last night was back to school night and I got to meet the boys teachers and learn about the year ahead.

It was our first full week of school and all that comes with it. The boys have done great. E gets his homework done at the after school program and N hasn't had any yet but will do the same. They both seem to have settled in nicely. THANKFULLY!

Our weekend plans consist of N-O-T-H-I-N-G! OMG! I am so excited. We are just going to be home, be lazy, watch TV, clean up, bake, sleep, not get dressed, ride bikes, do some yard work and maybe some garage cleaning and READ, READ, READ! No birthday parties, weddings, family functions...just two days of free time.

School was a hit! The boys both love their teachers and the new school...even the after school program. Two days of school and two days off sounded like a good idea to them.

After school we went and had ice cream like usual and heard all the details of the day. N ended up with his BEST FRIEND in class. He was so brave going into class thinking he didn't know any other kids and then was surprised with his buddy. I was so happy for him. E knew lots of kids in his class and seemed pretty unconcerned about the whole new school thing.

Friday night we went to the G family's house for dinner again. I am so going to steal that baby. We had lots of wine (again), yummy food (again), hot tub party (again) and stayed up way too late. Saturday we went to their daughter's soccer game and then over to my parents house for dinner and swimming and water sliding. Got to spend some time talking with my dad and just hanging out.

Sunday was major house cleaning day...UGH! It was a task but it was much needed. Now the garage needs to be cleaned and the rest of the yard sale stuff donated to charity. I have a wish list of other things I would like to "fix" around the house. None of them are actual broken things...just the stuff I want to change. Nothing will be happening soon but it's good to have ideas ready should I come into a large influx of cash...yeah, that is so going to happen any day now!

This week is pretty low key for us. Chicago fam over tonight and back to school later in the week and that is just about it for us. Maybe some garage cleaning mid-week - oh that sounds like so much fun! I figure homework will start any day now.....even more fun!

I'm

I'm tired! Things always seem to be the same.

I am really excited for the boys to start school. I know they are excited too. New clothes, backpacks, lunch pails, shoes...the works. New school, teachers, friends.

Sometimes...I want that! Work is the same, and oh so fun! The house never seems to stay clean. I spend all weekend cleaning and then it is thrashed. My niece isn't helping in that at all. Tomorrow is the last day so I am just letting it go until then. I am frustrated to be worrying about money again. Loser isn't paying and this month child care will run me about $1,200! I have two weeks of summer care, one 3 wk month of school care and then I have to pay September at the end of August and it is a 5 wk month...YIKES! School clothes and all those extra expenses have just been taxing at the moment.

Ironically, when I think about it I really don't want much more than I have. Life is good. I love what I do, I just wish it was more like before the buyout and for more $$$. I wish I wasn't struggling with the financial aspect. Considering I have been careful with my decisions and this is a result of someone else it is hard to take sometimes. I love my babies, my friends and fam...and don't need anything else in that department. So I guess it is just less work stress and more $$$. Gosh, $$ worries..I must be the only one (whine, whine, whine) Target is just going to have to deal with the lose of revenue!

The kids are happy and I have been spending time with the BFF's a lot and with school back in our schedule should be back to normal soon. Grandma L will be here soon and I can't wait to see her and the kids.

Just a little funky lately....made some cookies...maybe that will turn it around! :)

Weekend Update....

Friday night I took my Grandma to the cemetery to visit with my Grandpa and then the boys and I ran some errands with Coach and his son. We made a quick stop at Rubio's for dinner and then I raced home because A & J decided to come over and hang out. The girlies had wanted to watch a movie I got the other day so they came to watch it with the boys and we decided to have a cocktail or two and hang out. WE HAD FUN! :) The kids watched the movie, we laughed a lot, I took the kids on a bike ride around the block a few times...at 11:00. :) They stayed and played until after midnight.

Saturday we had lunch for my nieces birthday at Spaghetti Factory downtown...all 20 of us! It was fun. Little M showed me her cheers - OMG! so cute. We just hung out the rest of the day. I made dinner for all of us and then we decided to take the kids on a bike ride again, at a more reasonable hour. E & N both got flat tires so we walked out bikes back home. Later that night Coach and all the kids were over to hang out a bit. We chatted and just hung out.

Today we cleaned house - FUN, ran to the store - OH THE EXCITEMENT! and then went to A's parents for the girls birthday party - Ok that really was fun! I got to snuggle the baby, hang out with the besties, chat with my "other family" and I was even nice. I was polite when the need arose, had yummy cupcakes, had some champagne with the ladies and chatted with my "boyfriend" (otherwise known as J's step dad - he is adorable and so funny). The kids are watching a movie and I am sitting on the couch. E just came out and said he thought he might barf...PLEASE NO! He isn't sure why - his tummy doesn't hurt but he still thinks he might. If you are - better now than later - you start school in four days! BE WELL!

Lessons learned

Tonight after dinner the boys and I went and picked up my grandma and took her out for ice cream. It was a surprise visit so she wasn't ready to "go out"...so funny! Grandma we are going to small town ice cream and you look fine but no way. She had to comb her hair, change her pants and find some different shoes. The boys were playing with the dog so I sat on the couch. Something fell on the floor and I bent down to pick it up. They were old cards, Easter cards, a Birthday card. They were addressed to my grandma and they were from my grandpa. I started to cry. My grandpa has been gone for over ten years and she is still reading his cards. She misses him still today. She mentioned at ice cream that she hadn't been to see him in a long time. "No one likes to go to the cemetery you know." So I promised to take her after work tomorrow. We chatted a little more while we ate our pineapple sherbet and then she mentioned really needing some groceries so we hit up the store. Once she was done the boys bagged her groceries and we helped put them away when we got home. I don't visit often enough.....

My grandparents were married in their early 20's and were married for over 50 years before my grandpa passed away. Why settle for someone you won't miss after they have been gone for 10 years. There are people I don't miss the second they are out the door. If I was ever to decide to do the whole marriage thing again it would have to be with someone that would still miss me 10 years later, someone I would miss right back. I seriously doubt that is even possible so I guess it isn't likely and that's ok. To know that someone I love had that kind of relationship is awesome.

Tomorrow when I take her to see him she will tell him little things and I will listen. The boys have never been but heard us talking so they want to come. I think they are old enough to understand what is happening and they didn't know my grandpa so they won't be "missing him" the same is if we were visiting someone they knew. I will be. I love my grandpa. He was the only one I knew growing up. He was so funny and knew every kind of plant in the yard...and I am talking HUNDREDS! He could grow a garden like no ones business. What a story teller too. I wish the boys could have known him.

She doesn't know I saw the cards and she doesn't need to. My grandpa knows she is still reading them and thinking of him after all this time and that is enough.

Wishing.......

Hmmm.....

I have no idea why I stopped blogging...I guess it just didn't fit in the summer schedule. I miss it. I have continued to read all the blogs I follow.

Let's see...where to start! The boys are getting ready to start school..a new school. Our old one closed. They are excited and so am I. We have done all our shopping. Next week we will get hair cuts, find out our teachers names, have an ice cream social and then start....very exciting times!

Coach and I are still seeing each other. We spend a lot of time with our kids and that has been fun. Not sure what it all means or where it will go or where I want it to go...time will tell I guess. It is mostly fun, we laugh a lot. The kids adore each other. I adore all the kids.

Time together without kids has been few and far between. PTD became a world class loser! He no longer sees the boys and hasn't for months. He doesn't call, he doesn't pay and he doesn't return phone calls. I wish him death...I know that is terrible to say but you already broke my babies hearts you mother fucker so you may happily go straight to hell! And FUCK OFF! No nice way to say that. I HATE YOU! I basically told your mother that on the phone the other day!

We went camping over part of the 4th of July weekend, spent time in SF, went on LOTS of bike rides, went to the movies, had a yard sale, switched some things up at the house. Over all a great summer. The kids are getting too big and no longer wanting to do little kid stuff. :( Where the heck are my babies.

Maybe I will try and remember to do this more often......

Long time coming......

Baseball is finally over and I feel like I might resemble a normal person soon....probably not!

The boys are done with school. N got straight A's and E had a couple of B's to go with his A's. AMAZING kids. We got into the school we wanted for next year. What a relief.

Summer brought a lot of other changes for us...some good and some not so much. The boys dad has disappeared. No longer paying any child support or portion of my outrageous summer day care expenses. Even leaving me with some old debit from our past provider. Hasn't called the boys or returned any of my numerous messages. E is having a hard time understanding and not being worried that I am going to leave him too. N really doesn't seem to care. Since the other place was soo expensive, my niece is watching them for the summer at a slightly discounted rate. Still way more than I can afford. It really sucks! I didn't plan on footing the bill alone while cleaning up his past expenses. It will really cut out our summer vacation plans but we will figure it out. Paying, or lack of paying, has never kept him from the boys before so I really don't understand why he is ignoring them now. Only time will tell I guess.

Doing some work around the house and yard (cheap work) and trying to have some fun. Swimming at grandpa's and getting to meet my niece for the first time and she is five! Family issues have kept my "step-brother" from bringing her around. Hopefully that has changed.

Lots of time spent with friends just hanging out!

Coach and I are still seeing each other. Kids and all! Had all the kids together for a few days during the Memorial Day holiday...including a trip to the beach. A couple of all out sleepovers...five kids deep. :) I am sure I have a lot more on that front but we will still have to wait and see. Wishing good things....PLEASE! :)

I know I have so much more to say but I just can't think of it...maybe I will catch up blog as I remember. I can't count the number of times I have gone back and read things to enjoy and remember. I don't think I have wanted to face what a nightmare the situation with loser has become and the impact it is having on our lives...financially and emotionally. I hope we all come out better for it in the end.

Almost made it!

Tomorrow is Friday and I might just make it! This week has been fine but I am still ready for the weekend.


Tuesday night was N's play and he was ADORABLE! Then E won his game....like a kick ass game and my kid was the winning run....AWESOME! I helped dress the class in costumes and that was ummm, fun? And then we had the parent/coach fighting...that was fun!


Last night we went to the mall to get a birthday present for Coach's daughter and she ended up coming too and we had a blast. I'm guessing she really likes her gifts. Actually, I am sure she does, she did pick them out. :) We had Cinnabon and ice cream before we left and I do so love the mall.


Tonight N had a game and then I came home and set up my new laptop (WOOHOO!) and I am sitting on the couch as I type this...so exciting! The kids are up late because I wasn't paying attention to the time and they have a field trip tomorrow that I can't go on because of a stupid work meeting that I have to attend and I don't even get to wear jeans...on a FRIDAY! WTF!?!


Tomorrow H is showing her movie...I can't wait! I know a famous movie star and I get to spend Friday night watching her shine. Ironic considering she doesn't like it when people look at her. Saturday we have a pancake breakfast, a 1st birthday party, a baseball game and a 16th birthday party...busy day anyone? Sunday is going to have to be cleaning day...my house is NUTS! I seem to say that a lot don't I? Wonder why I can't seem to figure that out.


Coach and I had an awkward moment the other day and I had a pretty strong reaction to it. I am guessing it is because I analyze everything. He doesn't think it was a big deal...said sorry and not really thought about it since. I still seem to contemplate it...not sure why. I am certain that past history will repeat itself for me and I can't let that feeling go. Part of me doesn't want to, I figure I won't be surprised when it happens. Yeah, I totally tried that before and it sooo didn't work so I don't know why I think it will this time. So I guess that is why I am focusing on that small incident. It is what it is and I can't change me or my overactive, pessimistic, dramatic mind. He still does all these nice things and says the right things and its nice...and.....

Happy Mother's Day / Weekend

I really can't believe it is Monday! I swear it was just Friday a second ago and now here I am with FIVE whole days to wait until the weekend...UGH! And it is going to be a week!

My weekend was pretty crazy. Friday night after N's game I was a concert with my sister and niece. We met the members of a new band I love - Cavo and several of the Lifehouse peeps. This happened only because of where our seats were located (good seats!). Yelled some cursing words at these old ladies behind us that insisted people should sit down during a concert. They also felt that throwing things would be the best way of convincing you. It convinced me to call her some names, laugh at her and the proceed to NEVER sit down. Suck it mean lady!

Saturday was baseball-0-rama day. Both the kids had games and we had only a little downtime between N's early game and E's very long game. After the games we went to J's house for dinner. It was her present from the hub. (A pattern that I LOVE - her V Day gift was him babysitting so she and I could go to the movies and shopping and then her M Day gift is dinner for us!) Dinner was awesome and we had so much fun. Then dessert came and we laughed our asses off! He made a cake and wrote "Thanks for your vagina" on the cake...even made sure to write vagina in pink. He then sang a song to go with it...AWESOME! :) After dinner, cake and lots of drinks a few of us made a quick "memorial" trip to Thunder Valley. I don't gamble but it was a favorite thing for Coach's mom and since it was Mother's Day weekend we went to "celebrate" it with her in spirit. First machine he touched he won $325! A and I decided that we needed to show these peeps how to dance...we were the only ones and it was more then funny! At this point it is pretty late, I have had more than a couple adult beverages, my tummy is full and my Starbuck's did nothing...I am ready for sleepytime!

Sunday morning we met ass early for breakfast with my mom, sisters, niece and grandma. FUN! We ate and exchanged gifts and then I made Coach take me home for a nap before the boys came home. PTD actually let them buy me a card and little plant for the first time EVER! The boys made me cards at school too (my fav!). Coach had brought me flowers too. We hung out at home, had impromptu photos snapped by N and cleaned a little before heading off to my parents for an early dinner. The very best part? N fell asleep on my lap. Well, he fell asleep and I picked him up and snuggled him. I miss my little baby. He is always good for some snuggles. We went to Target on our way home and then just hung out around the house for the rest of the night. It was pretty awesome.

This morning Coach brought donuts for us before school/work...it was nice of him. He does a lot of nice things....sigh......

Back to reality and work.